My Son Wants a New Mommy…
You know when you are dropping your children off at school and you are in awe of other moms? They look so put together, and happy. There is a part of you that thinks wow, They are supermom. How do they do it? The judgment creeps in hard.
My husband was at the park with one of these supermoms while I was working one day. I came home with not my usual greeting. It was "I want Matty's mom to be my mommy not you" Ugh, my heart sank. I felt like the biggest failure as a mother.. The thought of this comment still stings me to my core. I didn't know how to respond. I felt sad, hurt, disappointed, guilty, and embarrassed. All the negative emotions you could feel at once hit me. I was devastated.
But this wasn't about me. This was about Wesley needing connection and needed to feel safe. And I've been so busy building Mini Mindsetters, remodeling a home, and figuring out an exit strategy with my current business I was losing sight of my connection with my son. I took a deep breath and let the comment digest. I wanted to be defensive but I wasn't. I held back my tears and took a moment to myself. (a long moment). And then I gave him a really big hug.
I told him I loved him and I was sorry I have been distracted. I did everything I could to connect with him even though I really wanted to tell him he was an ungrateful brat. (my hurt turned to anger) But as we started to connect the negative emotions started to fade. We played and laughed. He didn't seem to want a new mommy at all.
A week later I saw a social media post about asking children what's the worst thing their parent has ever said to them So I asked him and he said "Put your shoes on now" I started to laugh. He then said to me, "What's the worst thing I've said to you?"
I didn't have to answer. He blurted out, "I want Matty's mom to be my mommy." We both laughed.
Kids might say things that seem really hurtful and maybe even there is truth to it, but it's usually because they feel disconnected and not seen. Their emotional brain takes over and dysregulation occurs. I needed to make my son feel safe in order for us to connect. Since we were able to connect when it was brought up again Wesley could use his executive brain when recalling the conversations about wanting a new mommy.
Have you ever felt like a failure as a mother? I'm here to tell you you aren't alone. If you haven't taken my quiz yet to find out what your strengths are as a mother?
Please do to recognize your strengths. Sometimes we lose sight of who we are in the daily grind of motherhood, and we just need a reminder.